How To Say Goodbye To Your Person
Originally published on Thought Catalog.
So you say you want to take me out for coffee, and just talk.
All you want is to listen to me talk, the opportunity to get inside my head for just a few minutes to try to see what it is that drives me.
I think you see past the facade I try so desperately to plaster on myself day in and day out. Behind all of this is just a scared, sad girl trying to make it through every new day with an ounce of hope that one day this will all make sense.
I don’t know when, and I don’t know why it happened, but at some point, something between us just clicked. Maybe I have finally met another person who feels as deeply as I do and who sees people for more than just what their mouths say. Maybe this is a chance for me to finally learn to take the advice of others because I’ve finally met someone who can see right through it all.
(The careful, hopeful beginning we all experience each and every time.)
Maybe my head always makes it more than it is, maybe I see things from a perspective you have never even considered. Maybe I am just a wishful thinker, doomed forever to a heart and a mind just a stitch too open to defend themselves against the hurt.
You still haunt me even though we are going on close to three years of breaking up. There isn’t a day which goes by that I don’t think of you in some capacity. The hurt, the happiness, the love, the emptiness. The coffee.
I do believe we shared a tender love for coffee, even though I wasn’t always the happiest when you would make it for me.
But tell me, love, do you still think of me when you lay down at night and wish that it had ended differently? That we had our apartment together, a ring on my hand, a travel plan filled to the brim with your big ideas and wandering heart.
But that was the thing.
I think we left each other long before we physically did.
See, leaving means more than walking away.
It’s the moment you look over at a person, and you don’t recognize them anymore.
This isn’t the person you sat in your living room with talking for hours about nothing, and they sure as hell aren’t the person holding your hand in a bookstore, wishing you would never leave.
It’s an awful feeling, the moment a heart breaks.
Maybe it’s over a lukewarm cup of coffee
Or an untouched meal.
Or maybe it’s only through a computer screen.
Just a few short words to tell you:
The same person who took months of courage to even say hello, just broke your heart in a matter of seconds.
The thing about endings is that we never get to choose when they happen,
They just do.
No matter how hard you try to distract and derail them, they still come barreling towards you.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore, there is nothing you can do to change their mind.
And you honestly shouldn’t want to.
Because a love which isn’t reciprocated hurts more than never being in love at all.
You try and you try and you try, but you can’t make them want you.
It’s one of the saddest moments you can experience but also one which can free you.
Because I promise you, love,
There are many more coffees to be had
With many more people who so desperately want a glimpse into your mind
and your heart.