Let Youself Walk Away From A Love That Doesn't Deserve You

Originally published on Thought Catalog.

Sometimes, you have a gut feeling that it is time to walk away from someone you care about, but part of you is still craving closure. If you are lucky, this closure comes to you in the form of a breakup note or an argument or even a slammed door in your face. But other times, you are met with ice-cold silence. This is when you know.

You have to walk away now. You need to pick yourself up off the floor and never look back. You are worth more than an unanswered text or ignored phone call. You are worth someone actually taking the time to tell you that they are just not interested anymore. You do not deserve the lustful late-night texts that always leave you feeling even lonelier. You do not deserve the weeks of silence they give you as they come in and out of your life as they please. You deserve so much more.

You deserve to feel whole again. You are not worthless. You are not empty. You are not just a body here for someone else’s pleasure. You are not unlovable. Please do not let someone else’s words or actions convince you otherwise. You deserve to be someone’s priority, not just when it is convenient for them or when they are feeling lonely. Loving someone does not mean taking everything they have and then leaving them behind once you have had your fill. No, loving someone means that you support them, and they support you. There might be days when one of you needs more support than the other, but no one who is actually in love with you will allow your relationship to be one-sided. If someone only shows up in your life when they need a shoulder to cry on or a warm body to sleep next to, they do not love you. They are using you. I know it hurts to hear those truths, but what hurts even more is allowing yourself to be destroyed over and over and over again by someone you care about.

I know that you are afraid of being alone. But, are they really making you feel any less lonely when they ignore you? Or belittle you? Or sexualize you? Loneliness is not cured by sporadic attention; it is created by it. When someone comes in and out of your life, you are left feeling hurt and confused. Suddenly, the days that never felt that long before feel excruciatingly slow as you sit there and wait for a call that will never even be made.

When someone makes it clear to you that you are not a priority in their life unless they can take from you what they are missing in themselves, you begin to feel like you have no value. You begin to feel sad and lonely and like you have no purpose outside of being a dumpster for all of the pain they can no longer handle within themselves. A happy relationship should never make you feel this way. You do not date someone solely to become a means of taking away their pain. You are there to support them on their journey towards healing, but you are not the one who has to heal them. You do not have to fix people in an effort to try to keep them in your life. You are not the answer to their problems. You are just a person who cares so deeply and never receives that same care in return. There is nothing wrong with supporting someone you love, but if you are never being supported in return, they are not your person.

Do you really want to wake up next to someone each and every day for the rest of your life and wonder if today will finally be the day they show up for you? Why put yourself through this pain when there is someone else out there who would do anything to be by your side? I promise you that this person who is ignoring you and hurting you is not the one you are meant to be with. They might be a part of your journey in finding yourself and finding true love, but they are not your endpoint. The day you can look at someone and see the love you have given finally being given back to you is the day you have found your happy ending. This is the person who will show up for you, every day, forever.

If they cannot even take the time to text you back now, imagine what the rest of your life with them would be like. Every day you would be fighting for their love and attention, while they are soaking up all of yours. They will drain you again and again and again, and they will never give you one hundred percent of themselves. They will always leave your glass half empty, even when you are begging them to leave you full. They will take and take and take until they are healed, and you are unrecognizable. Please do not wait until that day to take your life back and walk away.

If it doesn’t feel right from the beginning, chances are that it never will.

Let yourself walk away and finally experience the love that is out there waiting for you.

I promise you, it’s worth it.