8 Reminders That You Were Right To Leave Them

Originally published on Thought Catalog.

Making the decision to leave someone you love is never easy. When you have invested so much of yourself into one person for so long, it can begin to seem impossible that you could ever live a life without them. Even after all of the pain and the hurt they inflicted upon you, you still loved them. You tried so desperately to picture a better life with them—a time when your everyday wouldn’t feel like you were fighting a war you would never be able to win.

But ultimately, you knew that it was not right to stay with them. Deep down, you knew that love was not meant to be synonymous with pain.

You left. And you are so lucky that you did.

I know that leaving was not easy and that this decision will continue to weigh you down for some time. But I promise you, you made the right choice.

And just in case you ever doubt yourself and your decision to go, here are some reminders of why you were right to leave them.

1. You Were Constantly Walking On Eggshells Around Them

No relationship that causes you to be afraid of your partner 24/7 is a healthy one. You should be able to show your emotions without always worrying about how they will react. Healthy relationships allow you to discuss your concerns without fear of being reprimanded by your partner.

2. Nothing You Did Was Ever Enough To Please Them

Their expectations were ever-changing, and never in a way that fell in your favor. If a person is constantly moving the finish line as soon as you finally reach it, there will never be anything you can do to truly win in their eyes. They were only doing this to see how far they could push you before you broke. Someone who loves you will want to help you rebuild, not break you. You will always be enough for the right person. Always.

3. They Ignored You More Often Than They Were Actually There For You

It’s normal to get upset with someone and need some time to cool off. Everyone needs their space and their own time to reflect. What is not normal is to ignore someone we are supposed to be in love with as a form of punishment. If someone truly loves you, they will not ignore you every time you have a disagreement. They will not ignore you for days or weeks or months because they feel like that is what you deserve. No one deserves to be ignored in order to be taught a lesson. A healthy partner will want to discuss your conflicts together, not pin them all on you.

4. They Pressured You To Do Things You Were Not Comfortable With

If the only way your partner will stay with you involves you having to do things you don’t want to do, leave them. Someone who loves you would never expect you to do something to please them if it makes you uncomfortable. No is always an acceptable answer. Coercion is not equal to love.

5. You Often Felt Trapped In Your Relationship

Sometimes two people are just not meant to be together. You are not required to stay with someone and wait it out to see if things start getting better. If your gut is telling you to go, then do it. Trust yourself. If you are with someone and you start to see your dreams and old life slipping away, you are not in a healthy relationship. You should never feel trapped in a place that is supposed to feel like home.

6. They Constantly Put You Down

Your partner should support and celebrate you, not belittle you. They often know your deepest insecurities, and they should never be using that knowledge to deepen your pain. Someone who loves you will show up for you and lift you up on your worst days—and every other day in between.

7. They Used You

It is so unfair to constantly give and give and give to someone who cannot even love you in return. You are also allowed to need. You deserve respect. And someone who only looks at you and sees what they can take from you is not a person who will love you right.

8. You Were Not Yourself When You Were With Them

If you can pinpoint the exact moment you lost the light in your eyes and that moment is when you started dating them, then they are not your person. This is not your “happily ever after.” They are not your soulmate. The person you are meant to be with should love and appreciate you for the person you are and the person you will become in the future. If you cannot be yourself around them, please leave. Please do not let them dull your shine. There is someone out there who wants to see just how brilliant you truly are.

Always remember your value.